*Adapting to Love*: Family & Love

Family is a funny thing. That is your one constant in your life that you had no choice. True, people do give up on family for a variety of reasons, but they will never leave you. Your family leaves an indelible mark on you, they are part of you whether you realise it or not. Like the author of Sick to the Bone. She cannot lead the life she wants because she does not want to dissapoint her family, to hurt them, to be someone that they do not want her to be. Or another who does not believe in true love, because her family was dysfunctional, or another who felt inadequate because her family called her stupid, or another who flourished because her family was always there for her, supporting every her all the way.

It is easy to say that I am an adult. I make my own choices, I lead my own life, I know what is best for me, but do I really? Are my decisions influenced by my family. What do they mean to me, and how far does their influence extend to my decision making? How much am I willing to do for my family? How much am I willing to sacrifice for my family? How much of me as an individual is shaped by my family?

I realise that I am shaped by my family more than I thought possible. Even by expressing myself via blogging is part of how I was brought up. My family was never an expressive family. Neither am I. To tell you how I am a product of my family would take too long, so I would just express what to me are the most valuable lessons they taught me.

For my dad, I thank you for teaching me to be my own man. For teaching me about fate and karma. For teaching me the values of being patient, especially when faced with difficult times. Most of all, thank you for teaching me the ability to be truthful to oneself, regardless of what others might think. My dad is one person that truly do not give a damn about what others think of him. If I can be half the man that he is, I consider myself a real man.

For my mom, she tauight me how to love. She gave me the confidence to achieve whatever I set my heart to. She showed me what unconditional love is. Though sometimes she is blinded by her love for me, the sacrifice and support that she gave me is truly amazing. Sometimes she is wrong in expressing her love for me (I learnt from my dad that wrong is wrong), I cannot fault her for her intentions. She showed me how patient love can be, and how much work it takes.

And for the person that I am in love now, I thank you for showing to me what my family is to me. How I am a product of my family. You have made me a better person by making me face my family. I know that it has been tough for you that my mom disapprove of you, and I am sorry that you have to go through it all. I hope that you understand the person that you fell in love is shaped by his family.

You too are shaped by your own family. I hope that you realise how lucky you are to have such an open relationship with your sisters and mother. I am learning from you how to be more open with my own family, and I hope that you can learn to be more patient with my own family.

I did not give you up because of my mom. I believe that she has been unfair to you and that is why I will continue to fight for her acceptance, even if we were not together, because that is what my dad would have done. It is not mere words, as my dad comforted you before when you were sad.

I would love you and sacrifice a lot to be with you, because my mom taught me what it is to love someone and the sacrifices someone is willing to go through.

To my mom and my dad, I know that I do not express myself well. Again, that was the way I was brought up. If it wasn't for her, I would not have had the courage / reason to write all this down. I know that by most normal standards, I have been a bad son. But then again, what is normal? My Australian friends think that it is weird that I am still living with my parents at the age of 26. You think that if I were to move out, it would make me a bad son. I just hope that you do not think that I have been a bad son, and if you do, I am sorry that I have dissapointed you.

At the end of the day, I am a product of your upbringing, mixed with my own expriences and thoughts. I hope that you know that you did a great job raising me and I hope that you trust me.

Also, I hope that you know that I will do anything necessary to take care of you, even at the expense of my own happiness, if it was for the right reasons. Also, I know that I do not express it in words, but I do love the both of you and I hope that the both of you will always know that.

To my only family, I love you.