*Adapting to Friends* : The Truth Truth

To all my friends,

I saw one of you the other day, and he told me that the truth is not important. Everyone would have their different versions of truth anyway...So even if you don't know what is the truth from other people, you know what is the truth to you. At the end of the day (I am smiling when I type this, seems like I use this phase a lot)), we can lie to ourselves or make ourselves to believe that this the truth and be happy. I don't know why, but that feels wrong for me....

I had a tarot card reading last week by another friend. It was divided in past love, present love, future love and the action card (What should I do about love now). The tarot cards is not supposed to predict the future, but rather is a reflection of yourself, the inner truth that you might not realise yourself.

And the results are out, according to the cards:

1. Past Love - I tried to hang on too much until I choked my partner
2. Current Love - There is none. It was the wheel of fortune, so I guess it means I am not ready
3. Future Love - Also none, apparently I will be stuck in a loveless relationship.
4. Action card - It was a picture of man on a chariot, being pulled by 2 horses in different directions.

One horse was black, another was white. I am a person that needs to understand the truth, and everything is either black or white.

If the cards are a reflection of the soul, then my inner truth and what I feel is pretty much in sync. Then again, maybe the tarot card reader was an excellent reader, which I think she is.

Yes, I need to know. I need to understand why certain things happen. In that sense I have always been aware of what is going on with me. Another one of you told me that you couldn't tell me the truth at first because you knew that it was going to devastate me, but then you realised that not knowing the truth was even more painful for me. So you told me the truth, and although it did hurt, I will forever be in your debt for telling me it.

Back to my first friend (Confusing aren't I? Even though I am in sync with my inner self, apparently it all goes out the window the moment I try to put it into words). He is holding on to the truth now. But there is a part of him that knows the life he has now is not what he wants. That is the "truth truth". However since he cannot accept the "truth truth", he is just living his life with the truth according to others. And he is happy.

I don't think I could live with only the truth. I would rather savour all the pain in the world of knowing the "truth truth" than just the truth. I think that is the only single principle that I have managed to hang on to...

In that sense, for all of you that have been there for me, helping me, I thank you. For all your opinions of what you think the truth is, I thank you. For all the time you spent listening to me, I thank you. It may not be the truth truth, but it did help ease the pain.

The truth truth for me now is that I will have to be patient.

So to all my friends, thank you.

P/S - Blogging is terribly exhausting, and I am working... More on truth truth in the near future.