*Adapting to Love*: Listening to...

Some songs seem specifically written for you, it feels that the singer had your life in his mind when he wrote it. Music is truly food for the soul.

Been listening to this song over and over again as per Dr. Jay's advise... Nuff said.

Here By Me
===========
I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can’t take another day without you
'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
When you’re not here
I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

x2
And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

-3 doors down.

P/S - Still waiting for Dr. Jay's ultimate depressing song CD.

*Adapting to Love*: Valentine Day: Part Deux

Obviously today has been a really bad day for me. Never had a proper Valentine and seems to be filled with memorable incidents. There was once this girl who I was attracted to, took her out for Valentine day (After saying that she doesn't believe in it, then changed her mind) and got herself a boyfriend a week later.

Last year, my Wildfire Princess then was back in her hometown for Chinese New Year. Had a great time after that though as I suprised her by getting red bedsheets and pillow cases for her bedroom and wrote the poem for her.

This year as highlighted in part I, was a bad Valentine again. My friends at work realised how down I was and got together and sent me a card (Pictured above). I have not cried yet but almost did when I read the card... I was sincerely touched by their kindness and thoughts. A new colleague who I just met also signed the card. Guess the feeling was like an Etiophian kid seeing his first Pizza Hut. It meant a lot to me and was really touched.

Although I have to say, they must have really felt bad for me to lie so blatantly on the card... "I'm Too Sexy For This Badge"... Something which they will never admit to be true even under the threat of death... So I must have looked pretty bad to warrant such lies. (Insert your favourite George Bush joke here).

To all my friends, thank you all for the cards, the brutally honest comments and also remedies that worked in the past.

*Adapting to Live*: Climbing Bukit Tabur

Climbed Bukit Tabur in Taman Melawati recently. Was a pretty good hike that lasted for 3 1/2 hours.

Bukit Tabur is near the Klang Gate resevoir and has the largest quartz ridge in the world!

Not too bad a touris attraction in my housing area backyard.

Picture shown were taken from andylim.com/gallery/BukitTabur

Am planning another hike sometime in March. Those interested please let me know.

*Adapting to Love*: Valentine's Day

Another memorable date for me to remember. This date needs no mention as everyone knows when it is, the day where commericalism rules for those in relationship and the day where hopefuls can express their feelings without fear of rejection.

She called me about 2 am. Was asleep so not really aware. However, what was clear was the distance and lack of warmth or happiness in her voice. "Happy Valentine's Day", I wished her. "Same to you", she replied sounding distance. To cut a long story short, I asked her what's wrong and she said this might not be the best day to tell me, but I forced it out of here anyway. She said that she was growing distant from me. I asked if she is sure as I cannot take the off/on, cold/hot thing anymore, and she said yes. I told her if she knew that it was a matter of time before I found my way to Dubai, she said yes.

So I guess that was all left to said. I wished her a good life and said goodbye. Am I sad? Obviously. Am I devastated? Definitely. Am I heartbroken? Undoubtably.

But I have learnt to take a more philopshical approach to life. I do love her and given the same choices of letting her to go Dubai and losing her, I would do it all over again, because that is what she wanted. She could have developed her career here, but she did not see it that way, so it was her choice and all I could do is support her.

I have done all I could to make her understand that I love her, but that is not enough. It is fine with me as this is me, and this is all I can do. I do not hate her, but I am dissapointed that her faith and love for me was not strong enough to survive the temporary seperation. Not dissapointed in her, but perhaps at myself. My love for her never waivered and I never doubted my feelings for her, because she is someone special and worth all that I have done and I have no regrets. Unfortunately she did not feel the same about me.

Of course she being her stubborn self did not want to explain her actions or tell me what she really wanted by saying "I don't know". Well, unfortunately, she did not want me to help find out her answers together and that is a journey that she has to take alone or with someone else there.

To my Wildfire Princess, beneath all your imperfections, all your fears, all your doubts lies a perfect heart. But from today onwards, you will have to discover your true self without me, because you are no longer my Wildfire Princess anymore, and it was your decision to make it so.

This is not a bitter posting but something that needs to be done for my ownself. You made me happy but that is no longer an option for me.

Happy Valentine Day.