*Adapting to Love*: Bittersweet memories

Work has been taking a toll on me. The fact that I am doing PMO (Project Management Office) and have a new analyst under me, while doing additional stuff for my department (for lack of a better word) and helping out other departments is not fun... Well, it is fun but sometimes it just gets a bit too much... (Listening to Written In The Stars now does not help my disposition).

A large part of my frustration is due to you. I worry about you. All that you have been through, not only ever since you left, but your entire life, for whatever the cause or reasons. Life has been good to you in so many ways, and in others so cruel. This is the paradox of your life, this is your life. All you need to do is focus on the good parts, and work the bad parts out of your life.

When we last spoke, I did not mean to hurt you. I wanted you to realise the truth and accept it. You wanted a more dominating partner, and though I am not that person and will never be, I was happy that you knew what you wanted in a life partner. I was proud of you that you told me the truth, not "I don't know". I always had the faith and still have in you that you can achieve whatever you want, as long as you know what you want. And yet, you accused me of purposely trying to hurt you even more. As a person, as a matter of principle, as a friend, I cannot accept that.

Because of all this, I do not know what has happened to you. I have not seen you online for a while and I have no idea how you are doing. All I can do is to continue to have faith in you, that you will achieve whatever you put your mind to and against all odds, continue to flourish when it comes to friends and love.

You are never alone, you will be in my prayer always and I hope that you will find the truth about yourself and that life is good. You have taught me much when it comes to love and for that I will always remember you fondly.

God bless.

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Funny how sometimes when you write without thinking, your fingers dancing away at the keyboard your true inner thoughts come out. When I first started this post, I had something else to write about. The above posting is a culmination of what someone special told me. About bitter sweet moments...

So many things remind me of you. A forgotten folder in my laptop with pictures of you, the talking reindeer whose has not talked in a while, my 10 years driving license, pictures of you stuck between your bookcase in my house.... the list goes on and on.

What made me think of you even more was last night. I was sharing photos of us in my laptop and she told me this is what it means by bittersweet... The sweet memories of the past and the bitterness of it all ending. There were so many photos, so many events, some that I was not even there, though I felt like part of the event, like your mom's birthday in Kuching. I remember who everyone were, I knew what story each picture told...

Thank you for all the sweet memories, and it was worth all the pain and bitterness that the both of us went through. If I did not meet you at Starbucks that fateful day, I would have led an ordinary life, and for that alone, I know that my life has been richer and I thank God for bringing us together, no matter for how short a period.

Be good.